Month: August 2006

Weather finally cooled down, due to glorious string of thunderstorms. Now only 69 degrees. Having a great time counting dead bodies of frogs, mini-weasels, and turtles along the road. Hot tip – DQ provides free ice cream to those who risk their lives chugging hot topping cocktails! Soon we join the bums of the Twin Cities!

Kipp and Sally – super spies and phone pranksters

Okay, sportsfans – we’re safe and sound in the Twin Cities, wrapped safely in the warm embrace of Zach Humes’ hospitality, which included beer, muffins, late night pizza, and an outrageous 80’s dance remix. Yesterday we rode an astounding 118 miles, beginning with a great tailwind, and ending with cherubs floating high above us dumping 50 gallon drums of rainwater into our shoes. Taking a few days off to allow the bruises on our hindquarters to heal, and to get zach’s steed road-ready. Pictures have been uploaded. Stay tuned for more news!

Had a great time in the Twin Cities, full of great food, good times, lethargy, and kareoke. Humes did a last-minute bike swap to something with more gears. Got a late start yesterday, but still covered a fair distance. Riding through steep rolling hills along river, which are hard, but beautiful. Turns out Zach is part Mac truck. Entertained by lame road rage.

Mr. Zachary Humes

Yesterday, acted as envoys in the no man’s land between Packers and Vikings territory. Happy 150th to Red Wing,MN. No one worships at the seething maw of the american beast like you. Thanks for all the hills. Excellent soviet beach party. See you in Wisconsin, home of broasted chicken and the “California Burger”- i.e. a burger with lettuce and tomato.

still life w/mold

Sitting in a cafe, trying to decide if we possess the fortitude to climb back onto our steeds. We may have celebrated our 100 mile ride into madison a little too much. We had a lovely wake-up call this morning from East Madison High x-country team. Spent last few days on sweet bike paths through Wisconsin. Zach has ordered a new knee from Sears-Robuck.

Shop along bike path

Well, friends, it seems the fledgling career of standout hilltopper Z. Mike Humes has come to a crushing stumble. After several hours of failed emergency roadside surgery, the young man’s clearly arthritic left knee was carted off by a team of backalley winos. Interim manager Pat Corrales made a gametime wisecrack and sent the poor dude down to Chicago in a handcart. Greg and Nick continued to pedal on obliviously, topping their previous ass-busting mark of 118 miles by riding an insane 119 miles into Chicago that very evening. All this and more…

We’ve hung up our bike shorts for the past fews days in exchange for two fists full of beer. Immediately after arriving In Chicago, we high-tailed it down to ol’ kentucky to Karp’s lake house (“I will name my first daughter ‘lakehouse’ in its honor” – Z. Humes) to spend a few days relaxing in the water, playing cards, and, oh yeah, consuming more alcohol than human beings were meant to. The occasion was Zach’s brother Jake’s 21st, and he will certainly never forget what little he remembers of it. Another BikeBums tip of the day: Avoid Bowling Green, KY at all costs, and most certainly the improper proprietors of the State Street Pub – they have no class. If, however, you do find yourself in that vincinity, make sure to check out the Tuesday night slave-kabobs. We eventually mopped up the television and returned to Chicago, only to resume drinking. Tonight, the karaoke bandit strikes again, and tomorrow Nick and I will resume our eastward crawl.

Successfully navigated through the Mordor that is Gary,IN. Turns out we had less to fear from the fire-spewing towers than from the sinister raccoons. Nick broke the no crashing rule in South Bend, but earned a 9.4 for his recovery. Nick’s Uncle Bill treated us with beds, Bears, and a mountain of spaghetti. Tested our sanity again with another 119 mile day. Lake Erie awaits!

Success! The Bums have done it again! Nick and I breezed through the flatness of Ohio, mostly without maps – instead, we opted to simply point our bikes at the fiery orb in the sky each morning, and continue along nicely paved backroads until we hit Lake Erie. This method of navigation was greatly enhanced by Western Ohio’s strict adherance to the Jeffersonian grid system. You gotta give it up for the mile square. Having dined on sauerkraut pizza, we spent our last night camping in Castalia, in the shadow of the Blue Hole, which a gas station attendant assured us has no bottom, and that those who dared to try and find it have perished in the act. The next day found us racing along Lake Erie, eventually reaching the ritzy west-side suburbs of Cleveland, where Nick’s friend Ryan met us for an enhanced dip on the North Coast. We ended our quest with good times and great fun, meeting Sarah and Matt at the Great Lakes Brewery. Later, the illustrious John C. Rowland joined the fray. The next day, I hopped on my steed one last time and made quick work of the bike path leading to Akron, finally sailing up my parents’ driveway in good ol’ Mogadore. I made it home just in time to head out to the Portage County fair for the Demolition Derby, and I was astounded to see all the rage fantasies towards automobiles i had concocted over the last two months made flesh as the melee of cars systematically destroyed eachother to the bloodlust cries of the crowd. And so here I am, wearing normal clothes, sleeping in a normal bed, transitioning myself from the nomadic lifestyle of bike touring to the individually-wrapped cheese slices and on-demand cable of suburban living. It’s been one hell of a ride – looking at the photos from the beginning of the trip, it seems like I’ve been traveling for a year. This will not likely be the last post to the site – I may post a more conclusive ending, and I would say that there’s still a 60-70% chance that I will continue on to DC in late September (those odds can be increased by goading from Death Star residents). OK – thanks to everyone I met along the way! Ride on!